Match of the Day, the BBC's flagship football programme that's been running since year dot, is one of the laziest most complacent pieces of television currently being broadcast. MOTD seems to exemplify the BBC's attitude towards their viewers. I imagine that they think we're all gurning morons, empty minded and passive, incapable of digesting challenging or alternative view points. I guess that because MOTD gets high viewing figures they think all's well, neglecting to consider that they have on their hands an inelastic product and that therefore viewers without cable or satellite subscriptions have nowhere else to go to get a round-up of the weekend's football results. Here's five ways that they could drastically improve the show:
1) Ask James Richardson to be the presenter. Okay, his puns may stink worse than Gary Lineker's, but he's infinitely less smug, is capable of spontaneous wit, talks to the viewer like he's his peer not a mentally defective schoolboy, and has a wide knowledge of world football. This brings me on to point two.
2) Cover some football from around Europe, or even the world. I'm not saying that they should present in-depth analysis of La Liga, Serie A and the Bundesliga, but a little acknowledgement that football is played outside of these shores would be nice. The BBC seem to be following Sky's dictum that they should constantly claim that the Premiership is 'the greatest league in the world', and present it like it exists in the vacuum. Showing us the goals from around Europe might give us a little bit of context as to why the premier league is quite good, highlight the feats of players we read about in the rumour mill's of the national newspapers and, frankly, would just be plain enjoyable. Are they afraid that viewers will suddenly think, 'god, Barcelona are a bit tasty aren't they? I'll give up supporting my English team and start following them' and switch off?
3) Get rid of Alan Hansen, Mark Lawrenson and Alan Shearer. Fuck, these guys are dull. I suspect Hansen may have been replaced by a robot in recent years. He has about seven stock phrases which he reels out according to the game he's being asked to comment on, most of them to do with poor defending, e.g. 'That's the worst defending I've seen in my life!' - thanks for the brilliant insight there Alan. Lawrenson seems chronically bored by football - has anyone noticed that after watching a team in the bottom half he always say 'they'll be fine'? They can't all be fine Mark, an opinion here or there wouldn't go amiss. Don't even get me started on Shearer, I literally have no idea what he's doing there. So, who do you replace them with, James Richardson can't do it on his own (although even alone he'd be better than this shower). Move on to point four.
4) Bring in football journalists and comedians. Okay, so really this is still part of point three, and I'm not including so-called journalists like Ian Wright here! The BBC seems to think that you have to be a former professional to have an informed opinion about the game. Are the rest of us just sitting there wondering what's going on like clueless cretins? What would be wrong with having Paul Wilson in one week, Henry Winter the next, both respected football writers? Are the BBC frightened that they might say something controversial? How about having Dara O'Briain, Sean Lock, or Alan Davies, in to discuss the game with the pundits? They're all fans who regularly attend games, they're actually funny, intelligent and might just put a different spin on proceedings that we as viewers might enjoy. This takes me to my final point...
5) Don't take it all so seriously! Okay, I know that for most of us football is a serious business and a good or bad result can affect our mood for the rest of the weekend. As many of the above points illustrate though, football is meant to be fun. We need to shatter the illusion that it's of life and death importance. What passes for light-hearted moments in MOTD currently is old-boys backslapping humour of the lowest and most cringe inducing order. Yes, let's have serious analysis that challenges our perspective on the game, but also let's laugh at it and acknowledge that we all get caught up and invest way too much gravity into it. MOTD's sister programme, MOTD2, comes closer to recognising this and let's face it, we're all disappointed when there's a big match on a Sunday and the BBC wheel out Gary Lineker in place of the genial Adrian Chiles. Chiles comes a lot closer to pricking football's pomous self-importance and for me is infinitely more bearable than Lineker.
Those are just some thoughts from Sheepfold Hill. Not all of them practical I'm sure, but for Christ's sake, MOTD has become depressing viewing for me and surely something's got to give!
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